Finally seem to be getting better. There are some deferred plans that I had that I am now working on. Free time will do that, I guess. FW seems to be doing OK.
FW took the financial disclosure paperwork to the mediator.
Just working on keeping my head screwed on straight.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Day 13. Another day
Still plenty of uncertainty. Need to fill out some paperwork for the mediator. Not really motivated. Work is pretty much all of my life during the week at this point. Trying not to fall too deep into it.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Day 11, work
Had a texting exchange with FW. Civilized, nice friendly banter. Another day at work otherwise.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Day 10, Sunday worship
I went to a local church today. FW and I had gone maybe a dozen times when trying to find a church. The music is decent, but not perfect, and that was a turn off for her. The music was also getting progressively louder, and was painful at times. FW is such a talented singer, but hates to perform in public (at least whenever I was in her life). It's a shame, since she has an amazing gift. Anyway, back to the church service...
The other thing that we found disappointing about the church is that the message is often made a little more pop-culture than it needs to be. I felt that the pastor was pretty interesting, and actually dove pretty deep at times, so I decided to go back. I think that I liked what I saw. They moved into a new facility, and seem to be developing a community. I will be going back on Wednesday for their bible study service. I can't say that I agree completely with the pastor's teachings, and disagreed on a few, based upon my own relationship with God. In the past, I wold let that be enough to declare my Sundays better spent elsewhere, but not now. I am content to listen to other viewpoints and experiences, and consider whether or not I feel like there is new insight from them, without judging the messengers.
There is another church, smaller, also in town, that has some of the same feel, maybe with a little less mass-market pop to it, and I'll probably go to some of their Sunday services as well. The worship services are at exactly the same time, so I can't do a double header, and must choose one or the other. I might do Sundays with the smaller one and Wednesdays with the larger one from time to time. I need to get engaged in a community. I also need to find or make some volunteer opportunities. I feel like I need to give something to this world beyond my day job.
It probably blows many people's minds to think of attending two or more churches as an ongoing thing, but I don't see it as a heresy. One of the things that I disagree with is the idea that there is only one right way to heaven, and that anybody living can have that exactly figured out. I have also felt what I believe to be grace, and that has come when I have not been following any particular church's exact ideology.
God bless you all. I know that I have been blessed.
The other thing that we found disappointing about the church is that the message is often made a little more pop-culture than it needs to be. I felt that the pastor was pretty interesting, and actually dove pretty deep at times, so I decided to go back. I think that I liked what I saw. They moved into a new facility, and seem to be developing a community. I will be going back on Wednesday for their bible study service. I can't say that I agree completely with the pastor's teachings, and disagreed on a few, based upon my own relationship with God. In the past, I wold let that be enough to declare my Sundays better spent elsewhere, but not now. I am content to listen to other viewpoints and experiences, and consider whether or not I feel like there is new insight from them, without judging the messengers.
There is another church, smaller, also in town, that has some of the same feel, maybe with a little less mass-market pop to it, and I'll probably go to some of their Sunday services as well. The worship services are at exactly the same time, so I can't do a double header, and must choose one or the other. I might do Sundays with the smaller one and Wednesdays with the larger one from time to time. I need to get engaged in a community. I also need to find or make some volunteer opportunities. I feel like I need to give something to this world beyond my day job.
It probably blows many people's minds to think of attending two or more churches as an ongoing thing, but I don't see it as a heresy. One of the things that I disagree with is the idea that there is only one right way to heaven, and that anybody living can have that exactly figured out. I have also felt what I believe to be grace, and that has come when I have not been following any particular church's exact ideology.
God bless you all. I know that I have been blessed.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Day 9
A lot of hiking and walking today. No word from FW.
I am getting closer to being able to focus on a path forward. Still difficult.
Update: spoke too soon. Had a good cry this evening. Felt abandoned.
I am getting closer to being able to focus on a path forward. Still difficult.
Update: spoke too soon. Had a good cry this evening. Felt abandoned.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Day 8
Well, a full week since meeting with the divorce mediator. I'm in a lot better place mentally right now. I just realized that today is the first day I haven't cried in a long time. The sunrise was beautiful today on the commute. The still air meant some of the puddles I rode by were glass-smooth, and reflected the morning colors and the sun coming over the mountains. It was truly a great start to a great day.
Work went a lot more smoothly, and I made a ton of progress. I spoke briefly with FW on the phone, and things went well. I called to ask her advice on some pet products, and she was helpful, as expected. A friendly conversation, as friends would have.
She stopped by the house briefly mid-day while I was at work, to let the dogs play a little.
The mediator has sent us the financial disclosure forms, so I'll be working on those this weekend. Fun times.
Work went a lot more smoothly, and I made a ton of progress. I spoke briefly with FW on the phone, and things went well. I called to ask her advice on some pet products, and she was helpful, as expected. A friendly conversation, as friends would have.
She stopped by the house briefly mid-day while I was at work, to let the dogs play a little.
The mediator has sent us the financial disclosure forms, so I'll be working on those this weekend. Fun times.
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